The Bedouin Cricket Club

The day began with NJPB confessing that he may or may not have been or known or once read about the American Rapper alleged to have had an affair with a famous woman whose name he couldn’t quite remember but who he was sure was both famous and married to someone else.

The match report, therefore.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh Here comes the Mufti, our boss Oh oh oh oh oh oh He’s gone and lost the toss. “Yes this is a mission that we’re on Taking on the Gnomes at Ascott yon’ I'm hype so talk about the hard-hittin’ Sadj Walkin’ on the pitch like an agein’ lion Like Northants got it wrong when they chose his son Shoulda done the right thing, maybe chose the old man! Oh oh oh, he out! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Here comes the Mufti Oh oh oh oh oh oh At the crease two Mufti! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh
(Rpt ad nauseam; viewer discretion advised) Now this is what I want when I come to see a show I look and at one end, it Joe a go-go. At the other end Harrison scritchin’ an’a-scratchin’
At the other end Rob hissin’ and a-missin’! But then they change the ump’
An’ maybe CP got the hump 'Cause he given Joe out What that all about? Oh oh oh yeah Oh oh oh oh oh oh Here comes the Brunner Oh oh oh oh oh oh He don’t even need a runner.
(Hey, it rhymes. Ed.) Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh Let's make it smooth Let's make it smooth Let's make it smooth Let's make it smooth Brunner he smooth. He don't hesitate or wait before the bell ring he out the gate And rolling back time working so hard for such a long time And runs yes they there and so homage to the Brunner While Rob watching the floor Nick taking what he like
Bowler dance to the music when he’s on the mic! Oh oh oh here we go Oh oh oh oh oh oh Brunner out! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Rob out! John out! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh
(no really chaps, it was a quick collapse!) Let's rebuild, take it slow Dougs and CP, they runnin’ the show Dougs he on a roll, he let the bat flow He make them run quick, but it look like it for show. (sorry Dougs – it rhymes. Ed.)
But Dougal get out and CP too.
Sandy at the crease, time’s a wasting
Too late to make it smooth No time to make it smooth Balfour and Hayes, boundaries get they none
Mufti call it in, the score on two one one.
Bedu in the field you ain’t seen nothing neater Rob in the covers, he moving like a cheetah He rolling back the years like the great
Colin Bland (who he? Ed.) Throwing down the stumps with just one hand. And dang my crib the people wanted more ‘Cause the Gnomes they hang around, gonna get a good score. Oh oh oh yeah Oh oh oh oh oh oh Hayes bowlin’ like a Trojan Oh oh oh oh oh oh Haye he found his mojo an’… Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh Nobody getting out Neil got no luck Nobody getting out
We need a bowler who sucks.
Check me out Mufti turn to Sandy, say sorry in advance Sandy say no worry, gonna make ‘em dance Just to show them fella’s who the boss
He start ‘em with a slow one, a loopin’ full toss Batsman think he easy,
Should made him queasy Third ball he slice to Nick The tall man take his pick. Oh oh oh he out Oh oh oh oh oh oh Here comes another Oh oh oh oh oh oh Here comes a brother Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh
(yes, alright, get on with it. Ed.)
The runs they come slow, the wickets even slow
Akkers picks up one, caught in the slips
Sandy gets three, but others have no luck
Hayes he rightly peeved, be seen to say f…
Joe he get obstructed, umpire says no malice
Joe seethin’ like a man drank a poisoned chalice.

Game builds to a climax
On this slowest of slow tracks
Four over to go, Gnomes need only twenty
They get it quicker after bowlers go for plenty.
Let's make it smooth, yeah Let's make it smooth Come on let's make it smooth.

But we didn’t. They won, we lost. Busted.
About the Fixture